It's been a while...

I've been a busy little bird!
One big things has been working on my new business!!

Canary Cupcakes

all night long

Is it still considered breakfast if you haven't slept all night?

I just polished off Sourdough toast with butter, strawberry jam and parmesan cheese on top.
An odd combination I'm sure but it sounded good at the time.
That was the quote of the movie that kept me going the first 2 hours.
"Sometimes there's a different between what sounds good at the time and what you can live with."
The toast sounded good at the time... we'll see if it's something I can live with.
It's definitely not getting any closer to looking like this...

 So, technically, it's not.

hello, gorgeous!

Adele <3

models and weight

A lot is being said about Miss Renn right now. (see here: Crystal Renn) and I figured while I was at it, I'd add my two cents.
First of all, if you are a woman you need to read her book. Especially if you are a woman who has ever looked at herself in the mirror and not liked what you saw. It's honest, beautiful, blunt and inspirational. Seriously. Go buy it. Seriously. Best $5 you've spent in a while --> amazon
She has always been an inspiration to me. As you can see from the picture above, she is full figured and proud of it! She didn't come by it easily, she had to fight a harrowing battle with anorexia first and then come to love who she was on the other side. It's easy to find picture of her at either weight: "skinny" or "full-figured" and in my never so humble opinion, she looks great in both!

This is where we get to her personal affect on my life. I have always been big. I have always been size 13, I have always struggled with the muffin top over my jeans. Always. So exhausting has been my battle with weight loss that I have actually come to dilute myself into believing that fat is all I can be. "Big boned," "bigger girl," "naturally curvy" these are all euphemisms that have crept their way into my vernacular allowing me to sit back with my tub of cookie dough telling myself there is just nothing I can do! I'm just born this way!
But seeing these pictures of Crystal and how much she has gone up and down really shook me out of this. As of late she has been in the media because she is now a size 6. After writing a book and flaunting her hot mama size 16-ness, she is now flaunting her hot mama size 6-ness and swearing that it has come naturally. This weight loss has come from loving her body, eating healthy and exercising daily. I, for one, sing her praises! She is still an inspiration to me of loving your body at any size and now an example to me that I can- if I just pry that cookie dough out of my hands- naturally be a smaller size. And in this world of fat OR thin, this is the inspiration I really need!

Kate Dillion

oh Melrose

Vintage shopping as a size 13- difficult
Vintage shopping as a size 13 with friend who is size 6- nightmare.

There are many reasons I don't shop with friends. Shopping for me is a very personal on-my-own experience. But in the interest of having a fun girl day with my fun girl friend we ventured to Melrose to hit the cute Vintage store that grace its sidewalks.
Upon entering the first store I already knew this was an awful idea.
Size 6- 3 dresses, 2 tops, shorts and heels.
Size 13- nothing.

By even the second store my ego was hit. Size 6 and I tried on the same dress(oh, this will be so cute!)
Size 6- walked away with new cute jersey dress on sale.
Size 13- nothing.

The third store I was desperate. Took one brisk walk around the edges, noticing all the Smalls, Size 0s and otherwise cute and completely unwearable merchandise, I sprinted for the shoes. Shoes! Oh wonderful shoes! Tho my feet are huge shoes are easy because it just involves finding your size and slipping them on and off; no dressing room trauma, no big production, no attention focused on my fat squeezing out the sides of another dress.
Just when I thought I was safe...
Oh yea.
That's right.
I'm at a Vintage store.
Apparently 5 years ago no shoes were made in size 10. This must have just happened in the last year because finding 10s in a vintage store is like trying to find, well, a Large in a vintage store, next to impossible!
Size 6 (size 7 shoe)- Two pairs of ridiculous cute heels.
Size 13 (size 10)- nothing.

The last store. Oh thank God! I've never wanted to stop shopping so badly in my life.
This store is bigger and a bit more main stream. I head straight for the dresses and immediately fall in LOVE with al their amazing Betsy Johnson and Miu Miu dresses. Size 2, of course. While size 6 flirts with(or really gets flirted with, by the sales assistants; I desperately push through the racks absolutely determined to find something SOMETHING to walk away with. After 3 or 4 Size 12s that were apparently incorrectly marked because they didn't even squeeze over my boobs, a stretch sun dress that just make me look desperate and a ridiculously over size shirt I found something! Something Else, actually. A brand by Natalie Wood.

After putting it on I knew it needed a belt(my other worse fear in life) but shockingly found a very very stretch one hanging on a rack near by that fit. So, regaining some semblance of dignity I grab my "One Size Fits All" dress and the Belts-Never-Look-Good-On-Me belt and spend the whole weekends budget on my last ditch resorts.
Honestly, now that I am home, I am very happy with my purchases. I hope I can find some other things to put the belt with and know that I will wear this dress for a long time to come!

All in all the shopping trip cost me $63.91, any last scrap of dignity that I had and all of my love for man kind.

This is the difficult thing about shopping as a size 13- all the unforeseen costs.

we hold these truths to be self evident

the smaller the waste the smarter the person
the more toned the stomach the more successful the man
the bigger the boobs the more worth while the woman

skinnier people are funnier, happier, wealthier and all around better people

excess weight equals an inability to control oneself and deems you less deserving of love, attention and all things wonderful in this world

personal short comings, health problems, obstacles these are all excuses
if you aren't skinny you aren't doing it right.

proof

This ain't no Dove commercial, honey.

"That's right I'm sexy and I get to eat!"
The words of this wonderful commic ring in my head every time I have an "easy to be fat" day.
Those days where your clothes fit, your hair works and your makeup looks amazing.
Your inner satisfaction with yourself radiates out to the rest of the world, from the wiggle in your step to the smile on your face.
Today is a good day!
Playing hookie from all commitments and go fart around the 3rd Street Promenade today before volunteering at KCRW's Winter Phone Drive.
Perfect outfit, no?